Editing my notes on the Gita—with AI

Let's see who's worse at this!

With the recent talk about AI, I threw Wednesday's post into ChatGPT to see what it would suggest. I had tried to craft a decent newsletter, but still felt there was room for improvement on this one.

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I spent the month of April 2021 reading and listening to all the books in the library about the Bhagavad Gita. I thought about doing a series of separate posts, but I'm not sure I have that much to say, so listicle time!

In April 2021, I dedicated the month to reading and listening to every book in the library about the Bhagavad Gita. I thought about writing a series of separate posts, but I wasn’t sure I had enough to say, so here’s a listicle instead!

I'm toying with a cheeky tone. AI made it blandly cheery.

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Let's start with a free copy, translated by Sir Edwin Arnold. As with all public domain books, the language is dated, but nothing beyond the King James Version of the Bible. It doesn't come with commentaries, which are essential for understanding what's going on—especially for us from the West where Hinduism is an exotic oriental religion, but the price is right for a decent introduction to the Gita.

Let’s start with a free version, translated by Sir Edwin Arnold. Like all public domain books, the language is somewhat dated, but it’s no more difficult than the King James Bible. This version doesn’t include commentaries, which are essential for understanding the Gita—especially for those of us from the West, where Hinduism often feels like an exotic, mysterious tradition. Still, for a decent introduction, the price (free) can’t be beat.

Interesting that AI replaced "oriental" with "mysterious"—PC-ness run amok. The use of this inflammatory term was specifically chosen for contrast.

Also, adding "(free)" to the last sentence was just blunt force trauma on the point.

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I listened to Jack Hawley's Bhagavad Gita, A Walkthrough for Westerners which is a translation where the commentary is mixed into the writing, resulting in a version that is three times as long as the original poem. It's an interesting concept that reminds me of the Living Bible paraphrase of the Bible published in the 1970's. But I was reading the original at the same time as listening to this book, so it felt strange to have Hawley's parentheticals inserted into the flow of the text. And it was unsettling to never be sure what was textual and what was explanatory. I don't think it's a horrible idea, but I prefer the streamlined punch of the original.

I also listened to Bhagavad Gita: A Walkthrough for Westerners by Jack Hawley. This translation includes commentary woven directly into the text, making it three times as long as the original. While it’s an interesting approach, it reminded me of the Living Bible paraphrase from the 1970s. I read the original at the same time, so it felt strange to have Hawley’s parenthetical explanations inserted into the flow of the text. It was often unclear which parts were textual and which were commentary. While I don’t think this format is terrible, I prefer the streamlined power of the original Gita.

I'll give it to AI, "woven" is better than "mixed". I'll also respect its valiant attempts to avoid starting sentences with conjunctions. I don't like it myself, but ridding the conjunctions requires structural renovations, not mere massaging. This is not a great paragraph, but AI didn't make it better.

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I also listened to Ram Dass's book Paths to God which takes the opposite tack from Jack Hawley. This is a series of lectures nominally around the Gita, but really about Hinduism and spirituality in general. I first came across Ram Dass in the documentary Fierce Grace (as part of a double header with Winged Migration in a movie theater that was about to be demolished). I've always been skeptical about white dudes who are into eastern spirituality, but I could sense a good spirit in the film. One interesting aspect of this book is that Ram Dass effortlessly utilizes the language of the 60's (freak, trip, etc) in a way that makes one understand how that vocabulary came about. Of course it has become a caricature through the intervening decades, but the body of language met a need that was lacking in standard English. In all, I really liked this book.

Next, I listened to Paths to God by Ram Dass, which takes the opposite approach from Hawley. Rather than focusing directly on the Gita, it’s a series of lectures about Hinduism and spirituality in general. I first encountered Ram Dass in the documentary Fierce Grace, which I saw as part of a double feature with Winged Migration in a theater set to be demolished. I’ve always been skeptical of white people exploring Eastern spirituality, but I could sense a genuine spirit in his teachings. One notable aspect of Paths to God is how effortlessly Ram Dass uses 1960s vernacular (terms like “freak” and “trip”), giving insight into how that language came about. While these terms have become caricatures over time, they filled a linguistic gap in standard English. I really enjoyed the book overall.

Another mediocre paragraph that wasn't vastly improved by AI. I find it annoying that they polish away the personality by smoothing out the language, such as "dudes" into "people".

Even though some of the suggested revisions are decent, the ultimate weakness of this paragraph is its blandness, and AI only pushes towards further blandness. For example, I should have leaned into the 60's terminology by closing with "I really dug this book", not turned "liked" into "enjoyed".

Many times, it seems that AI is paid by the syllable.

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The library has a straight audiobook reading of the Gita translated by Barbara Stoler-Miller. The reader, Jacob Needleman, has a copy of the audio posted on his own website. The free version online is of inferior audio quality to the version on Overdrive, but it is free.

The library also has an audiobook of the Gita, translated by Barbara Stoler-Miller, read by Jacob Needleman. Needleman also has a version available on his website. The free online version has inferior audio quality compared to the Overdrive version, but it’s still free.

Eknath Easwaran has a popular translation, but he relies a bit too much on sanskrit terms which makes it hard to follow at times.

Eknath Easwaran’s popular translation is another option, though I found it hard to follow at times due to his heavy reliance on Sanskrit terms.

I could take or leave the edits on these two short paragraphs.

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When Love Comes to Light, by Richard Freeman & Mary Taylor is a two part book, with an extended ten chapter commentary of the Gita followed by a translation of the book in the second part. Having read and listened to a few books about the Gita, I'm at that point where I'm no longer a complete stranger to the work, but I am still such a novice I can't really judge the quality of the commentary. Nothing seems out of line with what other people say about the Gita. One nice feature about this commentary is that it generally follows the flow of the Gita. While the essays don't shy from pulling quotes from the entire book, the flow of the ten chapters covers the themes in the order that they were presented in the original. As such, it may be a good introduction to the Gita.

When Love Comes to Light by Richard Freeman and Mary Taylor is a two-part book, with a lengthy ten-chapter commentary on the Gita followed by a translation of the text. Having read and listened to several books on the Gita, I now feel like I’m not a complete stranger to it. But I’m still a novice, so I can’t really judge the quality of the commentary. It generally seems in line with what others say about the Gita. One nice feature of this commentary is that it follows the flow of the original text, covering the themes in the same order. As such, it might be a good introduction to the Gita for beginners.

I needed to take a chainsaw to the original paragraph. AI didn't go far enough in condensing the text, but it did better than me.

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The Great Work of Your Life: A Guide for the Journey to Your True Calling, by Stephen Cope is a self help book based around the Gita. Like any self help book it is digested in to four digestible "pillars":

1. Look to your Dharma

2. Do it Full Out!

3. Let Go of the Fruits

4. Turn it Over to God.

I enjoyed being introduced to the biographies of the great individuals who were discussed in the book, but the criticism on Amazon that the author never dealt with the the conundrum of familial obligations is absolutely on point. The Gita is all about following your duty, which is an easy concept if one has only one single overarching dharma. But what if you have multiple obligations? This book falls short for us normies. I understand why Cope streamlined the biographies to focus on their pursuits of their dharma, but this reduced applicability of these stories for our messy lives. I get that the greats are great because they are different, but if the author doesn't draw a connection between their lives and our reality, then their biographies become irrelevant. As such, the book is simultaneously too long and too short.

The Great Work of Your Life: A Guide for the Journey to Your True Calling by Stephen Cope is a self-help book based on the Gita. Like any self-help book, it’s broken down into four digestible “pillars”:

• Look to your Dharma

• Do it Full Out!

• Let Go of the Fruits

• Turn it Over to God

I enjoyed the biographies of the great individuals discussed in the book. However, an Amazon review’s criticism about Cope’s failure to address the conundrum of familial obligations is spot on. The Gita is all about following your duty, which is an easy concept if you have a single, clear dharma. But what if you have multiple obligations? This book falls short for people who don’t have a singular calling. While I understand why Cope focused on the great figures' pursuit of their dharma, he doesn’t draw meaningful connections to our more complex, everyday lives. As a result, the book feels both too long and too short.

Another long paragraph that AI slightly tightened when it needed drastic cuts. I'm gonna call this a draw because it misread one of my points. Then again, that's my fault cause it wasn't written clearly.

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I read the Stephen Mitchell translation, which is in Modern English. Unfortunately I can't remember anything about this translation. Stephen Mitchell has translated so many different texts, I'm always a little worried about whether he has the expertise to do it right whenever it comes to a specific book.

I also read Stephen Mitchell’s modern English translation, though I can’t remember much about it. Mitchell has translated so many texts that I sometimes question whether he has the depth of expertise required for specific works like the Gita.

AI was straight up better, but I noticed that my voice is missing. If keeping my voice is important, then I need to tighten up my writing myself.

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I've ultimately settled on Laurie Patton's translation. I enjoy her tight structure, capturing a poetic pithiness of the original that the other translations don't. I read this after my initial explorations, so having some of the concepts telegraphed is not a problem.

Ultimately, I’ve settled on Laurie Patton’s translation. I appreciate how she captures the original’s poetic essence with tight, concise language that other translations lack. By the time I read this version, I had already explored the Gita’s concepts, so the occasional telegraphing of ideas didn’t bother me.

AI polished too much again. There are slight awkwardness in some of my wording, but nothing I would change in favor of AI. In a shorter paragraph, a little awkwardness is fine.

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Given that I've read more about this text than any other text from the last twenty years you could say I dig the book. Its appeal to duty resonates with the cultural Confucianism of my upbringing and my intellect is tickled by the exotic foreign spirituality in the rest of the book.

Given that I’ve studied this text more than any other over the past twenty years, you could say I’m a big fan. The Gita’s emphasis on duty resonates deeply with the Confucian values of my upbringing, while its spiritual insights continue to intrigue my intellect.

AI nuked "exotic" and "foreign". It really hates toying with otherness.

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Naturally, the Gita has ended up in the top tier of wisdom literature that I would like to revisit for the rest of my life, along with the Daodejing, Analects, Havamal, Zhuangzi, and the book of Ecclesiastes.

Naturally, the Gita has become one of the top texts I’d like to revisit throughout my life, alongside the Daodejing, Analects, Hávamál, Zhuangzi, and the Book of Ecclesiastes.

Hey, AI got the accents for the Havamal!

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In 2023, I briefly messed with ChatGPT. I was underwhelmed. The hallucinations made it useless for research and it short circuited my process when I used it for synonyms (as opposed to using an online thesaurus).

Two years later, I have been stunned at its search improvements (or Google SEO'd blog posts have become that much worse). But this exercise shows that AI isn't ready as a writing assistant (unless you're just pushing bland-ass corporate bullshit).

Revisiting ChatGPT after a few years, I was amazed at how much it has improved for research—though I can't help but wonder if Google SEO-optimized blog posts have just gotten that much worse. However, this exercise demonstrates that AI still isn't quite ready to be a go-to writing assistant—unless, of course, you're aiming to produce generic corporate content.

Editing isn't always fun. Especially on the Nth pass through a piece that you desperately need to get out of your life. But hard editing forges a piece that is uniquely yours. AI is no shortcut. Indeed, it's a detriment, fostering complacency that will further drown your voice in the hurricane of content.

In a couple of years, FOMO will grab me again and I'll check it out. Until then, the shortcut to better editing remains just taking a damn nap.

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